Iruka The Evil Genius
by DixieGoddess
Summary: Everyone thinks Iruka-sensei is just so very nice and sweet... But Kakashi is about to find out the hard way that the guy is far from what everyone thinks of him... KakashixIruka/Mature/Disturbing!Iruka
1. Chapter 1

Alright, I feel stupid and shameful for posting a NEW muti-chapter story when I already have several up that I'm working on, but - but... the ideas just come at me like wild fire! And once I have one in my head, I can't focus on writing my other current stories until I get the new stuff out of me. I've actually had this sitting on my computer for about 2 weeks, and I was refusing to post it cuz I didn't want to post something new until something old was finished, buuuut... I don't want to just sit on this...

Warnings: Will be mature. Iruka's personality is much more disturbing than usual. Evil, dirty things happen... Basically, it's kinda dark and disturbing. Will still be KakashixIruka though.

I will also add a reader warning that this story might be updated a little slowly since I am still prioritizing other fics over this since they did come into this world first...

Disclaimer: I ownz nothing but the plot.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake was a genius. Everybody knew that. It was plastered across his files and widely used as a way to describe him: Kakashi, the genius copy-ninja. It was just who he was. And everyone accepted it. It would have been foolish not to – especially if you were an enemy. Everyone spoke in hushed tones about the absolutely miraculous things that the prodigy could pull off, with or without his Sharingan. Ninja counted themselves lucky to be paired on the same team with him, and civilians counted themselves lucky just to be passed on the streets by the powerful celebrity who kept their village safe while they slept. Women giggled behind their hands while they spoke of how handsome he was (even with that silly mask on), and everyone was in agreement that the silver-haired man was elite in every way. He was a superstar.

Iruka Umino, on the other hand, was quite ordinary. Everybody knew that too. He was a simple chuunin with relatively plain features, and nobody ever spoke of him with extraordinary descriptions. The only remarkable thing he had ever really managed to do was pull his grades up from the bottom of the class to eventually become a teacher at the same academy he had nearly failed from. That, and he somehow managed to feed Naruto without going broke – a magic trick in and of itself. He had a bit of a temper sometimes, but it was easily extinguished. Other than that, no one thought twice about him. He was a friendly smile when tired ninja returned from a mission, or the instructor of a son or daughter, who most only saw during mandatory parent-teacher conferences. Nothing more… nothing less.

These two ninja, being so different as they were, would normally never have ended up in the same places too often. The jounin had, of course, been made aware of the teacher's existence once he became the instructor for his previous students, and he had seen him in the mission room here and there after he quit ANBU and started taking lesser ranked missions. But after his three little genin set off to follow their respective sannin, the tan man had fallen off his radar for the most part. Kakashi had no children in the academy (he had no children, period), and most of his missions after his team departed and things started brewing with Akatsuki were high-ranked ones given to him directly from the hokage.

So it was a bit surprising for Kakashi when he crossed paths with the teacher twice in one day under far different circumstances than he normally did. The first time was in the Hokage's office. Tsunade had called him in to brief him on his next mission. The son of the daimyo of Grass Country had just gotten engaged to the daughter of the Mizukage. Leaf wasn't extraordinarily happy about the match-up, seeing as Grass was an ally and Mist decidedly wasn't. The elders were concerned that such a marriage would undermine the truce between Grass and Leaf, and might cause Grass and Mist to gang up on them, starting a war. Especially since they were convinced that the entire marriage was a ploy by Mist and the Mizukage in the first place. Kakashi's job was going to be to sabotage the relationship without implicating Leaf as the perpetrators.

It wasn't his usual MO to sneak around and plot instead of just chidori-ing his way through a situation, but he could still pull off missions like this with relative ease. And he had a week to research and prepare which was more than enough time to come up with a plan.

He was just about growing bored with the tedious details Tsunade was droning on about when the door opened and the perky brunette academy teacher entered with an armful of files. "Shizune wanted me to bring these by. Oh – " He stopped as he spotted Kakashi. "Sorry to interrupt."

Kakashi smiled at him, his eye curving into a crescent. "No problem, sensei. Tsunade-sama was just going over some of the more boring points of my next mission. As though I've never completed a sabotage mission before and don't know how they work," he bit the last part out pointedly.

Tsunade scowled at him and was just opening her mouth for a nasty retort when Iruka, whose face had suddenly dropped uncharacteristically, beat her to it. "Sabotage mission?" he repeated.

Kakashi opened his eye and was confused by the look on the tan man's face. "Yes?"

Iruka spun to Tsunade. "Hokage-sama, you promised me a month ago that the next sabotage mission that came in would be mine."

The blonde woman blinked slowly. "Oh… yes…" She shrugged, closing her eyes as though the thought didn't bother her. "Sorry. I forgot. You can have the next one."

Iruka's face twisted into an unreadable expression. "But we hardly ever get them!"

The hokage opened her eyes again and glared a little at the chuunin. "Well, I'm sorry, Iruka. But Kakashi's already been assigned and briefed. You'll just have to wait til next time."

Iruka's jaw clenched. Kakashi tilted his head at him. "Why do _you _want a sabotage mission anyway?"

Iruka's eyes flew back to him. "Because I get bored and want missions occasionally, and I'm _good _at sabotage."

The snort came out before Kakashi had really thought about it, and he saw the temper flare behind the teacher's eyes. "What's so funny?"

Kakashi simply shrugged, looking amused still. "I just can't picture you sabotaging anything."

Iruka glared at him. "I probably do it better than you."

Kakashi laughed outright at that. "Please, sensei. You can't even say no to Naruto when he's on his ninth bowl of ramen. There's no way you have the disposition to go intentionally ruin people's lives. Even if you did it, you'd probably get caught, whereas that would never happen to me."

Iruka's fists clenched in fury, but before he could start shouting, Tsunade slammed her hands on her desk, pushing herself up. "Enough you two! I don't need one of your arguments in my office right now." Iruka's mouth snapped shut, but he still looked upset. The hokage turned to him. "Iruka, I apologize for forgetting your request, but this mission is Kakashi's now. Deal with it."

Iruka looked thoroughly chastised now and bowed. "Yes, ma'am."

"You're both dismissed."

Iruka was gone before Kakashi had even started moving toward the door.

* * *

The second time Kakashi came upon Iruka was later that night. He and the teacher rarely ran in the same social circle. In fact he wasn't entirely sure Iruka even _had _a real social circle. He only really seemed to interact with coworkers during work and his students the rest of the time. So it came as a bit of shock when he wandered into the local bar to meet with some jounin friends and found the teacher planted in the middle of them. To Kakashi, the man stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the group of elite ninja, but Iruka didn't seem to mind, that same cheerful smile he always seemed to wear planted casually on his face while he listened to one of Anko's tall tales about her latest mission.

The jounin snorted softly at the crazy kunoichi. Most people just ignored her… But he supposed Iruka was used to exuberant (if not exaggerated) stories about missions because of Naruto.

He took his seat on the other side of the table, muttering hello to Asuma and Genma on either side of him. He saw the brunette's eyes flicker to him momentarily, but they didn't exchange greetings, and the teacher returned his attention back to the woman on his left side.

"What's Iruka-sensei doing here?" Kakashi uttered lowly to Genma.

The bandana-clad jounin gave him a look. "He's our friend, asshole. Be nice."

Kakashi's eye narrowed at the other man. "I wasn't planning to _not _be nice. I've just never seen him out with you guys before."

"That's because Iruka's a social party-pooper," Anko sang from across the table, and Kakashi started as he realized that he apparently hadn't been as quiet as he thought he was, and Iruka was now looking at him, an irritated expression glowing on his features.

"I'm very busy, Anko," he shot, but his eyes stayed on the copy-nin. "Just because I don't come out often doesn't mean you guys aren't my friends."

Kakashi didn't like the look the chuunin was giving him, but he attempted to smile at him. "Sorry, sensei. I didn't mean to imply anything."

"What you _meant _to imply was that it's weird for me to be hanging out at the jounin table," Iruka shot and the other occupants of said table shifted uncomfortably.

Kakashi blinked at him, then his single eye hardened. "That's not –"

But Iruka kept talking. "I can't complete missions, I can't have jounin friends…" He pushed himself to his feet and swayed just slightly as he leaned against the table. "For fuck's sake, Kakashi-sensei, why don't you tell everyone how you _really _feel about me?"

The jounin gritted his teeth. The light reddening on Iruka's cheeks gave away that he was obviously already on his way to being drunk, which was probably why he was being so mouthy. But that didn't mean that Kakashi had to like being spoken to that way… especially in front of his colleagues. "Sorry if it offends you, but I don't see what's so strange about thinking that a chuunin sitting at a table full of jounin is a little out of the ordinary. Or in thinking that_ I_ could do a mission better than _you_. Those are just facts."

Iruka opened his mouth to retort, but another jounin – one that Kakashi didn't know too well – came up behind Iruka just then, having overheard the end of the conversation. "It's good to have a little chuunin around the jounin table. Keeps things fresh!" He then proceeded to smack Iruka right on the ass.

Everyone at the table froze as they heard the resounding CRACK on the chuunin's rear end, and Iruka went still while his face registered pure shock. The drunk jounin plopped down in a chair right next to him, completely oblivious to the mistake he had just made.

Iruka blinked once. Twice. He slowly cocked his head to stare at the inebriated man. Then he shifted so he was facing the other man casually and pulled a smile across his face. "I'm sorry, jounin-sama… I didn't catch your name," he chirped pleasantly.

"Oh shit." Genma and Anko immediately scooted their chairs farther from the table, not liking the look and tone about the teacher at all.

The jounin gazed up at the tan face. "Uh… Kurosaki…"

"Kurosaki…" Iruka repeated pleasantly. "I'm Iruka-sensei. I'm the head teacher at the academy."

Kurosaki nodded with a blank expression.

Iruka continued smiling brightly at him. "Do you know, Kurosaki, what the number one rule in my classroom is during weapons practice?"

The confused jounin shook his head.

"If you abuse your weapon, it gets taken away from you."

Kurosaki merely nodded again.

"Now…" Iruka reached down and gently took the jounin's hands into his own, staring at them intently. "Some people would say that, as shinobi, our _hands _are the most basic and greatest weapons we possess. Would you agree with that statement?" he asked innocently, tilting his head at the other ninja.

"Uh… sure…"

Iruka smiled again. "Good." In a flash, he grabbed the others' fingers tightly and twisted the wrists into such a painful pretzel that the jounin dropped forward from his chair with a scream of pain. Iruka leaned down so his every word could be heard, keeping an iron grip on his prey. Despite the violent positioning, he kept a fairly light tone to his voice as though he were simply explaining something to a slow student. "Because if you abuse them again, _I'm going to take them away from you_." His stoic smile tightened even further as he gave another light twist to the jounin's wrists, causing another cry of anguish. "Understood?"

Kurosaki nodded harshly. "YES!"

"Good." Iruka finally released his victim who fell to the ground before hurriedly jumping up and running away. Then the teacher very calmly took his seat again.

Laughter slowly started to build around the table while Kakashi just stared in partial shock. A big booming laugh suddenly came from behind him and he spun in his chair to find Ibiki shaking with mirth. "Damn, Iruka, what did I miss?"

Iruka smiled softly up at the interrogation expert. "Nothing much."

Ibiki shook his head and took the seat to the other side of the chuunin. "Didn't look like nothing. You know I hate it when I miss you threatening someone."

"Don't worry." Anko grinned at him. "With any luck, he'll turn on Kakashi next."

She leered at the copy-nin who glared back at her as Iruka's smile fell and his brown eyes shot back to the jounin. Stupid loudmouth kunoichi… Iruka had almost forgotten that he had been yelling at him…

"Uh-oh." Ibiki grinned. "What'd you do, Hatake?"

Kakashi crossed his arms. "Nothing. Iruka-sensei is just upset that I verbalize reality."

Iruka glowered. "You're just too stubborn to realize the reality that I _could _do that mission better than you, oh great copy-ninja," he spat sarcastically.

Kakashi smirked at him. "Especially considering that this mission is most likely going to involve seducing a woman, I beg to differ. Who'd wanna sleep with you?"

The teacher's face flamed, but Anko prevented him from snapping at the smug jounin by bringing a hand up to poke the tan nose teasingly. "I wouldn't mind me some coco goodness," she cooed, and everyone laughed as Iruka batted her hand away.

"Please never say that again." The teacher looked tired now, and Kakashi hoped that he was done baiting him. He really hadn't come out with the intention of having to verbally bitch-slap the snippy chuunin, but if Iruka was gonna sass him, he'd have to put him back in his place like he always did. Just then, Iruka's eyes flew up to lock onto someone passing the table. "Oh, Ebisu!" He hopped up and grabbed the jounin's arm.

Ebisu stopped and smiled politely. "Oh, hello, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka stepped around Anko's chair. "Ebisu, did you read over my proposal for adding another training room to the academy?"

Ebisu sighed. "Yes, I did, Iruka-sensei, and I'm sorry but it's just not in the budget right now."

Iruka's face hardened. "But Ebisu, we _need _another training room. The other one isn't big enough to house multiple classes at the same time. All the students are being gypped practice time." Ebisu shook his head. "Please, I just need your signature –"

"I'm sorry, sensei. But I just can't." The jounin extracted his arm, ignoring the dark look that Iruka was now giving him. "Good evening." And he left the teacher standing there, looking miffed.

Asuma stood and stretched. "Well, I should be going. Kurenai's gonna get mad if I stay out too late. Later guys." Everyone chorused their goodbyes and the chain-smoking jounin disappeared out the door.

Iruka sighed, looking cranky and tired. "I should be going too."

"Aww! No!" Anko cried, sticking out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout. "You never come out! Stay for awhile! We'll duct tape Kakashi's mouth. Everything will be fine."

Kakashi shot her a glare, but Iruka just shook his head. "No, I really need to be going. We have a field trip tomorrow and I should be well-rested for it."

Just then, Kurosaki swooped by and another loud crack came from Iruka's ass and he jumped. The jounin danced away out the door, cackling evilly. "Yeah!" He drunkenly crooned, throwing his hands in the air in victory. "No damn chuunin's gonna tell _me _what to do!" And he swept out the door.

Iruka grimaced, rubbing his tender backside. "Fucker," he muttered, but merely shook his head wearily. "See you guys."

Everyone said goodbye softly, except Kakashi, and Iruka wandered out the door, stumbling slightly.

Genma leaned back and suddenly smirked at Anko as the teacher disappeared from view. "Kurosaki and Ebisu are gonna geeet iiit…" he sang, and Anko and Ibiki snickered into their beers.

Kakashi blinked at him. "What are you talking about?"

Anko bared her teeth in an evil grin. "Iruka."

"What about him?"

"They pissed him off."

The copy-nin tilted his head, confused. "So?"

Ibiki let out a short laugh. "So that's never a good thing to do."

"You know…" Anko tilted her head at Kakashi. "You really pissed him off today too. You're gonna want to watch your own back, man."

Kakashi scowled at her. "He didn't look _that _mad about the sex comment. And he was just pissy about the 'jounin friends' thing because he was drunk – he'll forget about it in the morning. Besides, what's _he _gonna do to _me_?"

"I was talking about earlier today… You totally took his sabotage mission away from him, and insinuated, twice now, that he wouldn't have been able to do it anyway."

"Oh god," Ibiki about choked on his beer through the laugh. "Please tell me you didn't."

Kakashi looked at the other jounin as though he thought they were being absurd. "Big deal. He'll have to get over it."

The three around him shared a laugh. "Iruka doesn't 'get over' things like that," Anko supplied.

"Well, that's his problem."

"Which is very quickly going to become your problem," Genma warned with a glint in his eye.

The copy-nin was starting to look exasperated. "I don't know what you think someone like him is gonna do to me. He's just a chuunin. An almost unfalteringly nice one at that."

Genma and Anko shared a grin, and Ibiki looked highly amused. "Hm, yes… chuunin…" Anko drawled, and his fellow jounin suddenly broke into hearty guffaws as though that was the funniest thing they had ever heard. "_Nice_!" Anko gasped out between laughter and that set them off even more.

Kakashi stared at them as though they were crazy. What the hell was so funny about that? Iruka _was _a chuunin… he was a teacher… he almost never took missions… He nearly always had a smile on his face, except when he was upset with a student or badly written mission report… or him. But the only time he had ever seen him _really_ go off was at the chuunin exam nominations, but he had swiftly put him back in his place, Iruka had later apologized, and they hadn't had any sort of real animosity between them since. Until today. But even then, Iruka had momentarily seemed pissy and then gone back to ignoring him. What else was there to him besides an occasional, and quickly dissolved, temper?

"I don't see the joke," he deadpanned, trying to hide his rising annoyance at apparently being kept out of the loop. "Iruka-sensei lets his emotions run away with sometimes, but the second you put him back in his place, he backs off and goes about his business as politely as always. What's the big deal?"

Genma had finally settled down enough to speak. "He just pretends to go back to being all docile and polite. But he's just doing that to move things into position to carry out his evil plans."

Kakashi scoffed. "Evil plans?" he repeated incredulously. "The guy's emotions shoot across his face worse than any ninja I've ever met. And I've never seen anything 'evil' about him"

Anko suddenly leaned forward across the table. "You don't get it, Kakashi. That nice act – the 'oh, I'm so emotional and delicate' bit – it's _fake_. It's allll fake. Iruka is really…" She lowered her voice to a whisper and cupped one hand around her mouth. "The devil.

Kakashi only paused in shock for a second before snorting at the dramatics. "Uh-huh."

"Seriously, dude. The kid's an evil genius. He always gets his way. Just not by force."

"No, no," Ibiki chimed in in agreement, almost sounding impressed. "He manipulates everything so that it ends up his way. I'm still upset he turned down my invitation for a position in T&I."

The copy-nin stared at the interrogation expert as though he had grown a second head. "I don't believe it," he muttered. "Iruka-sensei's too nice to do manipulation. He just yells when he gets mad. Yelling isn't a form of manipulation – it's just a form of fear. A very immature form of intended intimidation."

Anko shook her head pityingly, giving the jounin a scary smirk. "You still don't see yet, Kakashi. He's _not _nice. Not by a long shot. He just knows how to get his way while still _appearing _nice."

Kakashi shook his head slowly, not believing it. He had never gotten any sort of vibe like that off Iruka. No one could hide being psychotic like that _that_ well. Especially not a chuunin.

His three companions grinned at him. The kunoichi's eyes gleamed. "Just wait, Kakashi. By the end of the week, Kurosaki will be hurting, Ebisu will have signed those papers, and Iruka will have _your _mission."

* * *

Dun dun duuuuun!

But yeeeah... ok, that's it for now. Reviews are my crack, but it's not like I'll stop writing either way lol

**DixieGoddess**


	2. Chapter 2

So this chapter has been through like, a billion rewrites, because I couldn't decide exactly how to do the opening "prank." But I've fucked around with it for quite enough now... Time to just accept it the way it is. Hope it isn't too horrible. Disturbing warning though... Just for the record, I started writing this story when I was in a very bad, 'screw people' mood, and that's where this came from. But yeah, whatever... I'll just let you get on with it.

* * *

If Kakashi had been at all concerned that his friends' words about Iruka were true, he didn't worry long. It was only the very next day that word reached him about the teacher ending up in the hospital. On his class' field trip near the outskirts of Konoha, an enemy ninja had appeared and the chuunin had drained himself fighting the perpetrator off. The enemy had retreated, having apparently been badly injured, and ANBU had not been able to locate him yet. The teacher was relatively unscathed physically, but his chakra was fried from his valiant attempts to protect his students who all recounted the tale with awe. Apparently it had been quite the battle.

So, _if _Kakashi had been concerned that Iruka was plotting his demise behind his back, he no longer felt threatened. What was the teacher going to do to him with no chakra, hobbling around on crutches since he could barely walk anymore? He had watched him take a good 10 minutes just to climb the stairs to the hokage's office the next evening. When he had appeared behind the teacher and offered to carry him up bridal style, Iruka had swiped at him irritably. But his fingers only just brushed the jounin's side as Kakashi dodged the slow, chakra-deprived ninja. Right… scary chuunin, his ass…

* * *

Ebisu's head spun a little and he was grateful for his sunglasses in the now-too-bright bar. He was alone, as usual, but he was used to it. He went to the same place most nights, always intending to work up the courage to leave with company… and he always failed. He really wasn't an expert at talking to women, and nothing about him really screamed for them to approach _him_.

Which is why it almost scared him when a pretty brunette suddenly leaned on the table, her ample breasts pushed directly into his line of sight. She gave him a sultry smile. "Hey, babe. Why are you sitting all alone?" she purred.

Ebisu blinked and pointed to himself. The woman laughed. "Yes, you. You're far too pretty to be by yourself."

The special jounin started a bit. No one had ever called him 'pretty' before. But he supposed he didn't really care what he was called as long as the gorgeous woman in front of him kept giving him her attention like that…

He smiled. "Would you care to… keep me company then?" he asked, attempting a bit of boldness.

The woman's smile widened. "I'd love to."

* * *

Kurosaki's eyes widened as he spotted the gorgeous creature sitting in the corner booth by herself. Her dark hair fell around her shoulders and her pouty lips were pulled into an almost sad expression. Well… what kind of a gentleman would he be if he didn't go ask what was wrong and offer to cure her loneliness?

He tried not to stagger as he made his way across the bar and leaned down on the lovely woman's table. "Hey babe. Why are you sitting all alone?"

The woman blinked owlishly at him and pointed to herself as though confused about whether or not he was speaking to _her_. He chuckled. "Yes, you. You're far too pretty to be by yourself."

The woman started a bit, but then smiled shyly. "Would you care to… keep me company then?" she almost whispered and the jounin's groin gave a jolt at the soft and sexy voice.

His smile stretched across his face broadly. "I'd love to."

* * *

The other patrons of the bar shot awkward glances at the two men in the corner who were now giggling and making quite a scene. But they didn't say anything. It really wasn't any of their business…

And when Ebisu, in a hectic flurry nearly crashed into Kakashi on his way out the door, having been so shocked and flustered that his companion actually wanted to go home with him, he was eternally grateful that the copy-ninja didn't say anything to him and hold him up. He hadn't gotten lucky in a very long time…

* * *

And when Kurosaki had been pushed to his back by his exuberant partner, he had grinned widely at having found a firecracker of a woman. He jumped when cold fingers began probing around his ass, and he gave the woman a strange look, but deciding that he could put up with a little kinkiness in exchange for a night of pleasure, he rolled with it.

And that was the last thing he remembered before the alcohol took over.

* * *

When Ebisu awoke to a pounding on his door the next morning, he almost didn't mind the rude wake-up call. He smiled at the wall as he remembered the events of the previous night, and there was an arm settled across his waist, meaning that his guest hadn't taken off and ditched him yet. That rarely happened. He absently reached out to stroke the arm… and froze when he realized that it was extremely hairy…

Slowly, he turned his head and gave a very unmanly scream when Kurosaki's head – and naked body – came into view. He jumped out of the bed as the other jounin shot awake at the noise and movement, clutching at his throbbing head. "Ah! What's going on?" he grumbled before peeking through his fingers and noticing his fellow jounin naked in front of him… He then peered down and noticed his own state of undress. "What the hell!?" he yanked the covers over him and gave a loud hiss as his lower back protested violently. "Holy fuck!"

Ebisu quickly snatched a pillow from the bed and covered his own body with it. "What happened?"

"_You're _asking _me_!? What did you do to me!?"

Ebisu glared at the other man. "Me!? I didn't do anything! I went home with a _woman _last night! What are _you _doing in my bed!?"

"How the fuck should I know?" Kurosaki spat. "_I _went home with a woman last night too. Ow!" He grabbed at his lower body as a shift sent another shockwave of pain up his spine. "Why the hell does my ass hurt so badly?"

"Oh my god." Ebisu hung his head, eyes scrunching shut. He hadn't been _that _drunk, had he? No. No way. Kurosaki didn't look even remotely feminine. He didn't either, for that matter. What the hell had happened?

The pounding at the door started again, and both men jumped. "Stay here," Ebisu ordered before pulling on pants and running to the door. Opening it revealed a frazzled-looking Iruka who gave him a firm look. "Oh, Iruka-sensei. What can I do for you?"

Iruka exhaled resolutely. "Look, I know you already vetoed the academy expansion, but just hear me out."

Ebisu twitched nervously, eyes darting over his shoulder. "Iruka-sensei, I really can't talk about this now…"

"No, please let me talk," Iruka pleaded, hobbling a little closer to the door. Ebisu closed the door more tightly against him so he was wedged between it and the doorframe. "I know you're concerned about the budget, but I think I have a way to make this as cheap as possible, and we _really _do need the room. Just let me show you – "

"Iruka-sensei…" The jounin fidgeted, and his fingers spasmed tightly on the doorframe when he heard a loud thump come from his room just down the hall.

"No!" Iruka demanded stubbornly, getting a little closer. Ebisu started to sweat. "I can't leave here until you sign these papers, and – "

"Fine." Ebisu snatched the papers from the chuunin's hands, pulled a pen off the table right next to the door and scribbled on them furiously. "Good day, Iruka-sensei." The door slammed in the confused teacher's face as the papers were thrust back at him. But he just shook his head and limped away.

Ebisu breathed a sigh of relief and steeled himself as he prepared to enter his bedroom again. Kurosaki was sitting on the edge of the bed, now fully clothed, and still rubbing tenderly at his backside. He glared as the other man entered the room. Ebisu blushed and sighed. "Look, I don't know what happened, but –" he paused and quickly crossed the room as he realized his blinds were open. He hastily grabbed at them, hoping his neighbors hadn't already seen something, but froze as a flash of orange on the ground outside caught his eye.

He pulled open the window and reached down to pick up the dew-soaked book. He stared at the hideously colored novel for another moment, the wheels in his head turning. Suddenly, his grip tightened frighteningly around the little orange book. _'Hatake…'_

* * *

"You're off the mission to Grass."

"What!?" Kakashi started back, eye going wide. When he had gotten the message to go see the hokage, he had thought she only wanted to lecture him on the details of the mission again – which was getting on his nerves – so he had taken his sweet time in responding. Surely, she wasn't _that _mad about being kept waiting…

Tsunade glared at him. "You performed a high-level genjutsu on two of your fellow shinobi to trick them into having sex with each other, you damn idiot."

Kakashi's mouth fell open as he wondered if the hokage had already been hitting the sake that evening. "WHAT!? What are you talking about!?"

The hokage seethed, looking for all the world as though she might kill him. "Don't act stupid, Hatake! Last night, you performed a genjutsu on Kurosaki and Ebisu to trick them into thinking the other was a woman and thus having sex."

Kakashi shook his head violently. "I never did that! I was at home all night!"

"They said they saw you at the bar!"

"They're lying!"

"Do they have a reason to want to implicate you instead of whoever it really was?"

"Then someone henged into me!"

"This was found underneath Ebisu's window." The godaime plopped a familiar orange book down on her desk.

Kakashi let out a short laugh. "That just proves it. Someone's trying to frame me. But _my _IchaIcha book is right…" He reached into his pouch, but his fingers closed around air. His single eye widened slightly in fear. "It… no… it's…" He grabbed the pouch off his waist and dumped the contents onto the desk. No IchaIcha. "But… no… it has to be…" He began frantically searching his pockets as Tsunade continued to glare boredly at him.

She slowly reached for the book again and flipped it open, revealing his own messy scrawl on the inside cover: **Property of Kakashi Hatake** along with a little henohenomoheji. The jounin stared at the book, panic-stricken. "Someone set me up!" he cried desperately. Tsunade just snorted. "They stole my book and they set me up!"

"Really?" The hokage quirked an eyebrow at him. "And who, pray tell, is good enough to steal your book right off your body?"

"I…" Kakashi paused as realization sunk in. When was the last time he had even _had _his book? Gai had challenged him to a balancing contest early that morning, so he hadn't had time to read all day. Once he'd beaten the other jounin, he'd gone to the memorial stone and then to the tower since he had been summoned a good four hours earlier. And he had spent all the previous evening after going home reorganizing his weapons closet, sharpening or tossing out old rusty kunai. That was a long period of time in which his precious book hadn't been in his sight. He attempted to think back on all the people he'd come into contact with since the previous evening, but there weren't that many, and none that he would consider suspicious. Though the number of people he'd passed on the street was too large to even bother trying to think who might have pick-pocketed him. And who _was _good enough to do something like that? His eye drooped sadly. "I don't know…" he finally finished lamely.

The blonde woman sighed disgustedly. "Honestly… I don't know what on _earth _possessed you to do something like this. I don't know if they did something to upset you or what, but you're damn lucky I'm not throwing you in jail! You _are _however, on suspension until I figure out what to do with you as punishment."

Kakashi's eye widened. "Tsunade-sama… I _swear _–"

"Even if I were to just ignore this as some stupid jounin prank gone too far," the hokage continued over him. "The fact that you got caught and left behind blaring evidence shows me that you're not in a state to handle a sabotage job. Maybe I've been too lenient with your missions lately if you're getting sloppy."

Kakashi bristled indignantly. "I'm not getting sloppy," he snapped. "I didn't do this."

"And who would go to that much trouble to set you up?"

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets, looking petulant. "I don't know…" he grumbled.

"Mm-hm…"

"And who are you going to get to replace me?"

Just then, the door opened behind the copy-ninja and the distinct plunk of crutches met his ears. "End of the day paperwork, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi turned slightly as the familiar academy teacher hobbled past him.

"Thank you, Iruka-sensei. And good news! You're getting that mission to Grass after all."

"What?" The question came from both men simultaneously, though it sounded a little angrier on Kakashi's side. The teacher blinked back at him, looking confused.

"Kakashi's off the case. And I did promise it to you first. So you're back up. You should be recovered enough for a mission of this nature by the time you're due to leave."

"Oh…" Iruka glanced back at the angry jounin, but didn't press for details on why Kakashi was being taken off the mission. "Well… thank you…"

"Wait a minute." The sharp voice brought both heads to whip toward the silver-haired man. Kakashi was glaring intensely at Iruka. "It was _you_!" He took an intimidating step toward the teacher, causing him to jump and try to scoot away quickly.

The brown eyes went wide. "Wh-what?" he squeaked.

Kakashi turned back to Tsunade and pointed a finger at the academy instructor. "It was him! _He _set me up! He wanted this mission all along. _And _Kurosaki and Ebisu pissed him off a few days ago!"

Iruka gaped, looking confused and terrified. He shifted his eyes back to the godaime questioningly. Tsunade snarled at the jounin. "Don't be a fucking idiot," she snapped. "You seriously want to try to convince me that a chuunin managed to pick-pocket _you_, henge into you, and perform a laborious and high-level genjutsu on two jounin – WHILE on crutches from _chakra depletion_?"

Kakashi clenched his fists, glowering at the still innocently confused teacher. "Yes," he shot even though he knew how absolutely ridiculous it sounded. "He could be faking – "

"You can't fake chakra depletion, you moron!" Tsunade slammed a fist on her desk making both men jump. "Not to a medical professional. Unless you put a seal on your own chakra, and I've never met a ninja stupid enough to voluntarily seal themselves up. Besides, you really think _Iruka-sensei _would do something like this?"

Iruka peered up at the jounin tentatively, looking impossibly small. Kakashi's anger drained quickly. He was being stupid… There was no way Iruka would ever do something like that. Kakashi had heard the rumors of him being a prankster back in the day, but he would never go that far… not for something as stupid as revenge… His friends were crazy, and he was crazy for getting sucked into their stupid exaggerations. He finally bowed his head and shook it softly.

Tsunade sighed heavily. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Hatake, but you're starting mandatory therapy tomorrow. In fact, it's against my better judgment that I'm even letting you be free to roam the streets tonight, so don't make me regret it, or you _will _be in a prison cell faster than you can blink."

Kakashi squeezed his eye shut, knowing that insisting his innocence again right then was useless. So he just nodded once.

"You're dismissed."

Without another word, the jounin flitted out the window.

The hokage turned back to Iruka. "I'm sorry about him, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka smiled lightly. "It's ok. Thank you for the mission, hokage-sama."

Tsunade waved dismissively. "If you're not fully recovered in time, you let me know. We can postpone a few days."

"Of course. I'm sure I'll be fine. My chakra has always healed quickly." Iruka grinned and bowed, beginning his slow trek out of the room as Tsunade turned her attention to the paperwork he had brought in.

"Oh… This is the request for the academy."

Iruka turned back at the questioning tone and smiled. "Yes."

"So Ebisu approved it?"

The teacher nodded happily. "Yep. Signed the papers this morning."

Tsunade marked something on the page and set it aside. "Very well then."

Iruka smiled for another second before making his way out the door.

* * *

Kakashi leaned against the side of the building and sighed heavily. Sure, he knew he had enemies. But who _within _the village hated him enough to set him up for such a dirty deed? Who was sick enough to even do that to Ebisu and Kurosaki? Iruka's face flashed through his head again, but he shook the image away. It was just a coincidence. Genma, Anko, and Ibiki were delusional. Even if he _did _have his chakra, Iruka wasn't powerful or sneaky enough to manage all those things. He also just didn't contain the disposition for such hardcore revenge. Stupid chuunin wasn't an 'evil genius.' He was just stupidly lucky that things turned out his way.

He heard the front door of the hokage tower open and he peered around the corner to see the chuunin in question struggling out the door. He looked so hopelessly frazzled and weak on his crutches, trying to balance a stack of folders in his arms, that Kakashi instantly felt even more foolish for ever suspecting him of faking his chakra exhaustion and pulling off some evil scheme. He sighed and leaned his head back against the cool brick of the wall.

He didn't know who had tricked Ebisu and Kurosaki, or why they wanted to pin it on him, but he had to come up with a way to convince Tsunade (and his therapist) that he was truly innocent and hadn't just snapped on his comrades. He should probably head home and figure that out.

Stepping back around the corner, the jounin froze as he spotted a folder on the ground just outside the door, Iruka no longer anywhere in sight. He slowly made his way to the manila folder and opened it up, quickly deducing that it was full of quiz papers. Iruka would surely be missing those… The copy-nin sighed through his nose. _'I suppose the least I could do to make up for accusing him is to return his folder.'_ He jumped off in the direction of Iruka's apartment building. The chuunin couldn't have gotten far yet.

Indeed, he hadn't, though Kakashi took far longer to track him down than he should have since Iruka had detoured off the main roads and was skulking down the alleyways instead. Kakashi finally found him, but froze from his perch on the roof. Iruka had stopped walking and was looking around as though searching for someone. But the alleys were, of course, deserted … Kakashi masked his presence and waited to see what the teacher was looking for.

A smile broke across the chuunin's face after another few seconds of turning his head every which way, and he suddenly plopped down on the ground with an exhausted sigh. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, getting more and more curious as Iruka reached down to remove his right sandal. He turned his foot up and held his hand over it. Kakashi felt a small, almost indistinguishable, civilian-sized chakra burst, and a second later, Iruka pulled the limb away to reveal a glowing seal on the bottom of his heel. The chuunin pulled out a small piece of paper and held it over the shining mark on his foot. After making one more quick hand-sign and tiny chakra shot, the seal gleamed red and then vanished from the tan foot and reappeared on the paper. The jounin's eye widened as he suddenly felt Iruka's chakra flare up to proper shinobi levels… proper _uninjured _shinobi levels.

Iruka happily tucked the little seal into his pocket, replaced his shoe, and _hopped_, giddily and full of energy, to his feet. He picked up his folders in one arm, and swung the crutches over his shoulder with the other.

Kakashi's eye hardened unblinkingly as he watched the chuunin skipping down the hidden streets with a smug smirk stretched across his features. It _was _him. He had tricked Kurosaki and Ebisu. He had framed Kakashi for it. He had planned it all to get back at the three men who had angered him and to get his mission back.

Now Kakashi knew what the others had said was true… Iruka _was_ the devil…

And the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist…

* * *

**DixieGoddess**


End file.
